The Greasy Greedy Stones

" What need you, being come to sense,
But fumble in a greasy till
And add the halfpence to the pence
And prayer to shivering prayer, until
You have dried the marrow from the bone?"
- September 1913 by WB Yeats

Fumbling in the greasy till indeed Messrs Jagger, Richards, Watts and Wood. This American Express mullarkey is evil. It's absolutely, totally, and unequivocably WRONG! There is no defense, the corporate spawn of the sixties version of the white english rythm 'n blues band will suffer an eternity at the hands of the satan of rock 'n roll who will sentense these 4 over rated schlockers to an eternity of Billy Ray Cyrus concerts or some equally sadistic torture.

Okay, that's the venomous rant section over. Now let me take a few moments to explain the case to the uninitiated. The Rolling Stones have announced a Stadium tour of Europe next summer. Now, the current incarnation of the band, affront a pepsi cola banner is not my cup of Lyon's tea (if they can product place, so can I). Stadium shows are definitely not my cup of Barry's Gold Label tea either. But for some people it is and this corporate rock event is only onsale to American Express card holders. When they've had their pick of the good seats, the show will then go on general release, and, wait for it, the seats cost $220 a pop!

I just got back from seeing Bob Dylan in an intimate venue in London for less than 60 euro and these clowns are expecting to get nearly 4 times that from your average punter to stand in a stadium! Come on fellas, are you taking the piss? In the case of the Dublin show it's not even a stadium, it's the phoenix fucking park. The biggest park in Europe. A field. Why? Because our biggest stadium only holds 30,000. Not enough greasy pound notes for the boys.

It's not enough that Ronnie Wood lives here tax free, (Ireland has an artist exemption from all income tax. Bono pays no income tax, Ronnie Wood pays none as long as he is a resident, a law designed for the struggling artist is being exploited by the rock star community living on Dalkey hill), he also has to take his pound of flesh from the people who are supplying his infrastructure, his police force, emergency services, schools, even his bloody bin collections.

I can't get over the sheer greed of this lot. How much money do the need? What do they do with it? A long time ago the spirit of this band was sucked from them and replaced by a soulless corporate entity that Bill Hicks, if he was still alive, would be plotting aterrorist attack against.

Yeats was right, Romantic Ireland, and indeed the global idea of the romantic, is dead and gone, it's with O'Leary in the grave..

How did they ever have an empire?

I was in London on Monday and can't help but wonder how. I have been perplexed by this for years, but on Monday it never seemed more unlikely.

1. They are boring.
Excruciatingly so. They are not spontaneous, witty, or articulate. Their stories meander pointlessly and have no point or focus of interest. Did they bore the civilised world into submission?

2. They are serial conformists.
I walked around the side of the barriers at the Brixton Academy. The barriers ended after 10 yards and had to stop myself from jumping into the queue. In Ireland the queue starts where the barriers ends, but these people formed the most orderly queue up the side of the building and into the venue. Robotic and zombie like they poured through the doors.

3. They are far too polite.
Getting from the bar at the back of the hall to the spot where my friend was waiting for me to return with beers was Moses like. I uttered the words 'Scuse me' and the entire hall parted. In Dublin it's a jostle. Not a walk. I can imagine them colonising India. ' Excuse me chaps can we take over the royal palace please'

and the final nail in the coffin...

4. Their Beer is CRAP!!!
It's vile fizzy shite. Even their 'imported' beers are like lemonade. And it gives you the hangover from hell. It cuts the stomach out of you with ruthless abandon. Your head is so full of chemicals the next morning you feel like your entire body is radioactive. It's wicked. Pure wicked. How could any country put up with so much awful beer. How could one race accept this level of toxicity in their beer? And the pubs...well awful doesnt begin to describe them..

Oh and their superiority complex, although completely misplaced, has to be witnessed to believe. As another long time friend of mine once remarked. They're just jealous of everybody else....

Bob Dylan in Brixton Academy

Myself and my good friend Mister Tiernan Henry of the Dundalk Henry's made the short Aer Lingus trip to London to catch Bob Dylan's second show at Brixton Academy. Apparently by all accounts it was the best show on the European tour so far with the 'experts' and 'stalkers' recounting that we 'got' a live debut of 'Million Dollar Bash' and 'Waiting for You', as well as The Clash's 'London Calling'.

What struck me was the air of bitterness that surrounded some of these serial Bob Dylan attendees. Apparently we were undeserved of such a setlist. We haven't put in our time you see.
Apparently you need to persevere through dozens of mediocre shows with murdered Tambourine Man's and Karaoke Blowin' in the winds before you qualify for a rarity. I must say I thoroughly enjoyed Mister Dylan's performance and the highlight for me was not the 'rarities' but a timeless classic - 'Visions of Johanna', that was overlooked by the lords of statistics.

I hope that he returns to mediocre setlists for the remainder of the week, and when he turns up in Dublin on Saturday he plays an entire show acapello and includes songs like 'Lily Rosemary and The Jack of Hearts' and 'Sad Eyed lady of the lowlands'.

But if that happens I fear I'll be beaten to death by pony tailed middle aged single englishmen..

Keane Shock Departure!

Shock is too small a word. But at high noon today it was announced that Roy Keane was leaving Manchester United by mutual consent effective immediately.

Sounds suspiciously like a sacking doesn't it?

Roy Keane has been with Manchester United for twelve years , in which times he has been the heart and soul of the team and the only player with balls big enough to criticise from within.

For this he was sacked.

Roy Keane has gone on record to say that his favourite song is 'Positively 4th Street' by Bob Dylan.

He's probably playing it in the car on his way home from what was the biggest club in the world.

You got a lotta nerveTo say you are my friend
When I was down
You just stood there grinning
You got a lotta nerve
To say you got a helping hand to lend
You just want to be on The side that's winning
You say I let you down
You know it's not like that
If you're so hurt
Why then don't you show it
You say you lost your faith
But that's not where it's at
You had no faith to lose
And you know it
I know the reason
That you talk behind my back
I used to be among the crowd
You're in with
Do you take me for such a fool
To think I'd make contact
With the one who tries to hide
What he don't know to begin with
You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say, "How are you?"
"Good luck"
But you don't mean it
When you know as well as me
You'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once
And scream it
No, I do not feel that good
When I see the heartbreaks you embrace
If I was a master thief
Perhaps I'd rob them
And now I know you're dissatisfied
With your position and your place
Don't you understand
It's not my problem
I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment
I could be you
Yes, I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is
To see you

Man Utd 1 Chelsea 0 / January Transfer Window

In a week where Roy Keane came out and publicly critiscised players in an aborted MUTV interview. (Named names. Scholes, Smith, Fletcher, Richardson, Ferdinand and Miller. ) Manchester United replied with their best performance of the season disposing of the runaway league leaders at the theatre of dreams on Sunday afternoon.

A day where the Glazers opted to attend the Bucanneers defeat to Carolina, it just shows where their loyalties lie. A club going through their worst week in almost twenty years with a 1-0 defeat to Lille (who?) in The Champions League and a drubbing (4-1) by Middlesboro in the premiership, the Glazers show their true colours by not attending the biggest game of the season so far as the reigning champions come to old trafford.

Nice

We won, and my week off ended on a high. But it was only a short lived high. When I planted both feet firmly on terra firma and analysed the week as a whole we still don't look like serious competitors to Chelsea. Yes, we outplayed them. Yes, we reverted to 4-42 and outfoxed them strategically. Yes, they looked ordinary. But they'll go on to Newcastle next week and win again. And United? Well, I cannot see them performing like they did on Saturday week in and week out. The bottom line is..we are short of players.

I don't mean bodies. I mean players. In the good old days, we could carry a below form Andy Cole or a Jesper Blonqvest coming in for an injured Giggs or a Luke Chadwick wide on the right for a suspended Beckham or a David May in for Big Jaap Stam or a Nicky Butt sitting in the middle for Roy Keane. This was okay because we had the core of great players. Scholes at the top of his game was frightening, the hologram that plays beneath the number 18 shirt now only resembles the Ginger maestro. Beckham is gone and Giggs' pace is gone. Roy Keane is used more for his tactical and organisational skills than his box-to-box energy in days of yore. The central defensive unit is like an under 18's version of Stam, Pallister, Bruce, and even Ronny Jonnson.

The one thing we have seemed to have fixed, after 6 years albeit is the goalkeeping problem. Schmeichel has at last been replaced by Van Der Saar and the George Lazenby's of Barthez, Taibi, Bosnich, Howard, Paul Rachubka(??), Carroll, Raimond Van Der Gouw(??), and even Andy Goram have all well and truly been sent to the great trivia bin of goalkeeping lore.

We need to go out and get the likes of Ballack in January. If he won't come there's no point hanging around. He'll want to come next year on a free if the club starts looking good. January is crucial for signings. We need a creative midfielder. someone to open defenses the way Cantona did. the way Keane and Scholes used to. Apart from Michael Ballack who's out there? Deportivo's Aldo Duscher? Perhaps. he's way ahead of his team mates at La Coruna, and his ambition far outweighs a club in decline. St Etienne's Didier Zokora? I'm aprehensive about french players making the move to the premiership. For every Thierry Henry and Patrick Vieira there have been countless Louis Saha's, Antony leTallec's, Salif Diao's, El Hadj Diouf's, Bruno Cheyrou's, and Djibril Cisse's. Admittedly though, most of them ended up at Liverpool. Surely not Tomas Gravesen? Why not? He knows Rooney's style of play from his everton days. He's a good passer of the ball. But is he a United player? The jury is definitely still out on that one.

Here's my 2c. Steed Malbranque. Fulham's heartbeat. Imagine him at a good team. He has strength, vision and can play anywhere in the midfield. Just a thought.

It ain't no sweet smelling future by any stretch, but at least the news that the Glazers have dug deep into the mothballs and come up with a 25 million quid budget for players in January makes that flicker of light at the end of the players tunnel look a bit more like a halogen bulb.
It isn't the Abramovich searchlight, but it is burning that little bit brighter.